In light of how spazzy everyone was/is about spoiling last night's Breaking Bad finale, I thought I'd just get all the spoilers -- for every significant narrative, throughout human history -- out of the way, once and for all. Spoiler alert!


The snake is an instigator. 

Pharaoh loses, but Yul Brynner is still magnificent. 

O –  that greedy Judas.

Romans win.

Romans lose.

Crusaders go 2-5-1, failing to cover the spread.

Earth: not flat after all. 

France gets uppity, then very downity. 

South: not rising again.

Custer makes a little big mistake.

Germans lose.

Germans lose again.

The pigs are just like people! Maybe even worse! 

George kills Lennie, but not because of the rabbits.

Dorothy 2   Witches 0.

Instead of happiness, Gatsby finds the bottom of the pool.

Soylent Green is people but perhaps very delicious people.

It's really earth. And they blew it up. The maniacs.

He's Luke's father.

It was all a dream.

The She is a He (can't touch this). 

The kid sees dead people. And Bruce Willis.

Tyler Durden doesn't exist, regardless of how much you talk about Fight Club. 

Grace is a ghost. Wooooo.

The fat naked guy wins. Later, he goes to jail, thereby losing. 

O – those wacky bankers.

No bees, no joy. 

Everybody dies.

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