soon will never be soon enough

stinky here is on the cover of a travel cd case.

* * * * *

Finally, for Christ's sake, it will be over tonight: no more hockey. No more bullshit on the radio, hearing it as the lead news story. No more Cross Country Check Up opening up its phone lines to the question, Are the Canucks Canada's team?, an episode akin to asking skinheads who their favourite dictator is ("Mussolini, man. Definitely Mussolini!"){1}. This is our national broadcaster? Sonofabitch! I understand why people in Vancouver (and sure, the rest of Lotus Land) are invested -- it's their fucking team -- but the rest of us have other concerns besides an assembled collection of millionaires playing sports for money{2}.

In a stupefying little chokefest, Vancouver's starting goalie{3} has let in 18 goals in the last four games. Despite this, amazingly, his team can *still* win the Stanley Cup tonight. This will probably happen. If it does, I'll have to bear a little bit more (the victory, then the parade), not to mention all the yahoos who will be wandering down my street at 3 a.m. tonight ("Woooohooooo! Wooohoooooooooooooo!") and then that will be it.

But if he chokes again ... ah. Well, there will certainly be a riot, 'cause that's what grown men do when their team loses. Even more embarrassing, however, will be the nearly silent, shooshing sound of millions of stunted psyches collapsing, all at once, all around the country.

{1} Most days I can't decide what's more embarrassing for a publicly-funded broadcasting corportation -- Rex Murphy's general befuddlement or Sook-Yin Lee's interviewing style ("Awesome, dude! Wow, that's awesome!").
{2} The average NHL salary is 2.4 million dollars.
{3} He made 10 million dollars this year.


  1. um... can you simply not listen?

    personally, if a tv is on anywhere within 20 yards of me, i'm riveted. doesn't matter what's on. i am so angry that tvs are now everywhere - waiting rooms, restaurants (ok so i don't eat fancy), just freakin' everywhere.

    don't people read anymore?


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