like the mob, only with buttoned sweaters

So ...

I have to go by the library after work. Drop off some books. It's good, somehow even noble that I'm a regular patron of the library these days (patron is such a lovely word, isn't it?). I look things up ahead of time, go in with my little list, hunt things down then do some browsing of the new titles, plus a final sweep of my favourite sections (graphic novels, history, illustrated erotica). Yes fine, fine. But the library's got a dark side, too. A pusher side. A side that's always sending me notes, these ominous little reminders, like this ...

DARRYL J. BERGER

This reminder has been sent to you because our records indicate that the items listed below HAVE NOT BEEN RETURNED.

A second e-mail notice will be sent in approximately four days if the materials ARE NOT RETURNED.

We look forward to serving you again soon.

... and there's fines (read: vigorish, or simply the vig, or the juice, or the take) accumulating, all the time, every day I'm late, and if I let it get too far then that check-out scanner is going to shut me down, and make me see a certain lady behind the desk, and what this lady wants -- what this lady needs, right now, or you'll never read in this town again -- is my money, my payment in full. And I don't think the old pockets-turned-inside-out trick is going to save me this time.

So yeah, I better take back these books today.