Well, as that old bitch Christmas climbs off Santas's lap, shakes out her gaudy skirts and shows us what teeth she's got left, let's take a moment to ask ourselves exactly what the season means.
Right.
* * * * *
So there I was: at the Santa Claus parade. Did I want to be there? No. But we were there for Oona -- I was told. And Oona, accordingly, got to the end of her patience (read: started to lose her shit) just as the first float rolled into view.
* * * * *
This was well after six o'clock. The parade -- which is, ostensibly, for children -- was *supposed* to start at five. Now, I don't know what your experience of children is, but my own experience is that they're not very good at waiting. For anything. In fact, they're really terrible at it. They start to whine and go into convulsions, throwing themselves around and arching their backs violently.Why do they have this thing at night, in the cold? I asked C, trying to keep Oona from rupturing my spleen. Why don't they have it during the day?
So you can see the lights on the floats, C said. Holiday parades are for nighttime. Everybody knows that.
Yeah, everybody except those stupid bastards who run all the parades I see on tv, I said.
* * * * *
I'd already lost a good part of the day with xmas shopping for nephews and a niece. And a wife. I went first thing in the morning. The mall was only half creeped out: the longest line was at Tim Horton's.
* * * * *
But hey, here we were, waiting for Santa's float: it was dark, there was a nice, bitter wind, Santa was nowhere in sight and it was past the bedtime of at least half the people on the street. O look: there goes the mayor! That's exciting, isn't it Oona?
I did not know of this 'Tim Horton' you wrote about, so I googled him
ReplyDeleteOh dear
My memories of Santa parades was of them taking place early afternoon, mostly just after lunch. A bad time really, especially when the sweets thrown by the fairies (who were always on the prettiest float) sometimes made you throw up on the confetti littering the street
A Christmas parade at night?
Oh dear
Now I no longer have a small child to torture Christmas has totally lost its edge.
ReplyDeletei dont know about this Christmas thingy... but do i like the labels of this post...
ReplyDeleteYay for Tim Horton's!
ReplyDeleteThat's funny though - I'd never heard of a night time parade; the Montreal one was on Saturday during the day, and boy was it windy!