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I looked.

I looked.; mixed media on canvas, 24 x 20 inches; the string series continues.

* * * * *
I looked.

Mommy said no. Mommy said I love you. Mommy told me sssshhhh. Daddy said there's my big girl. Daddy told me I was making him old before his time. Mommy said don't cry don't cry. Daddy told me I was rotten. Then he tickled me. Mommy told me I didn't need to have that. Mommy told me I looked delicious in my new outfit. Daddy told me a story about a rabbit that tried to run away. Mommy told me I couldn't play with that. Daddy told me to open my mouth so he could see. He rooted around with his finger and fished out a nickel. Grandma said I was adorable anyway. Auntie said I was getting so big so fast. The doctor said that everything looked good. The sand at the beach said eat me. The ocean said come on in. The dog next door said if I ever get off this chain, I'll chew you to little pieces, o yes I will. Even Damien wouldn't pet him and it was his dog. The cat said leave me alone. The kids at the daycare said we want to go home. Grandma said happy birthday in sparkles. Daddy said ho ho ho behind a white beard. The real Santa said hello by eating all the cookies. The Easter Bunny said keep looking. Mrs. Higgins said welcome to grade one. She told me I'd grow crooked if I didn't sit up straight. Rosie told me not to push her. Mrs. Cole told me not to pick my nose. Mrs. Anderson told me I could do better. Mom told me I had to eat all of it. Dad said we could sit there all night. Damien said I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Rosie said I was invited to her birthday party. That's when I realized I could make her cry. Amanda and Janine said I could be in their club. My legs told me I could swing even higher. The report card said I was a B student. Amanda said just hide this under your jacket. Amanda said we'll each take two. Amanda and Janine said I could be in their gang. Janine told me that I was a follower, not a leader. That made sense, I was a good listener. Damien told me that everyone would be there. He said he even had beer. It was a party, after all. We went upstairs. He said I just want to feel inside you. Certain nights said they would go on forever. We lived in the spaces between the streets. Amanda said let's have some real fun. Janine said it wasn't really vandalism because Rosie was such a bitch. The policeman told us we could be charged with mischief. Dad said he'd put bars on that goddamn window. We watched a lot of tv. The guy with the hairpiece said the Jets would cover the spread, no problem. The weatherman said that things would be unsettled. The man in the safari jacket said that lions don't care about fairness. Mom said she was sick of looking at me. She said I could listen to music in my room. Nina Simone said hush little baby, don't say a word. Van Halen said go ahead and jump. I didn't know what to do. The career counsellor said I could be a nurse or a fashion designer. I took a test that I didn't want to take and it said something in pink. Amanda said she'd go with me to the clinic but then she didn't. The doctor said it would be okay. The note said I didn't have to go to gym class. Then it said I didn't have to go to school. My room said things were safer in bed. My psychiatrist told me that I needed to use a sun lamp. My social worker told me that I needed to set some goals. Janine said we miss you. Amanda said you should get out tonight. She said she had a special place for us to go. We had to break in. She said she'd be the lookout but when they caught me she was gone. The policewoman said hold still. My parole officer told me not to use any drugs or alcohol. The dreams tell me that drugs and alcohol will solve everything. Jesus tells me I can still be saved. The devil says that's unlikely. God told me to stop believing in invisible friends. I said that would be grand, that I'd like to start being my own man, maybe even my own woman, but when I looked there was no one there.

Comments

  1. wow - love your writing and your art :)

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  2. Totally brilliant: I could see that child growing up, hear her voice deepening and fading, sometimes angry but mostly bewildered with a gloss of cocky.

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  3. I really love the strong textures you used, it adds so much depth to the image!

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  4. nice artwork, I like all that textures and her stare which seems very sharp and almost dangerous

    thanks for your visit

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  5. you are making me smile :))

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  6. and theres something eerie about the painting (WHICH I LOVE)

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  7. this is my favourite artwork of your so far!! can't get my eyes of it! such great colours

    ReplyDelete

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