The Unlaunched Book Launch

No standing around, waiting. Waiting for a reading or some other kind of announcement. No awkward small talk (Oh hi, Zelda! Whoa, I thought you said you were getting your face fixed) or looking for a place to sit. No reading. No losing track of the story about four lines in, and then having to stand there pretending to listen while you replay an episode of Star Trek in your head (the one where all the main characters accidentally switch places with their evil twins in an alternate universe and then have to find their way back; it’s pretty cool: Mr. Spock is still logical but in a wholly selfish way). No yahoo (there’s always one) catcalling from the audience (Speak up! We can’t hear you! I want my money’s worth! Hahahah). No awkward applause. No preening. No looking at your watch and trying to decide how much longer you have to stand around, just to be polite. No racing to get home, trying to catch the last ten minutes of Law & Order (it’s probably a rerun anyway).

Listen: there’s nothing more boring or painful than authors trying to read or explain their own work. So I’d rather put on an art show and call it a book launch. You drop by, you look at some new paintings (Oh, this one’s like the dream I had that night I ate all those pickles), you have a drink, you say hello. If you buy a book, that’s fantastic. If you don’t, I’ll only hate you a little bit (and I already hate everyone anyway). You have a four-hour window on a Sunday to make it. And I'm easy to find, right downtown, just up the street from the Shoppers at Princess and Division.

My book is called Punishing Ugly Children. It’s a collection of short stories, published by Killick Press. None of the stories have anything to do with Justin Bieber or Chloë Sevigny (sorry Brian). By way of compensation, there will be beer, wine, some nosh and lots of B-side music.

Sunday, September 19th, 4-8 pm
477A Princess Street
(right next door to Darbar, across the street from the Credit Union)


  1. know, I actually went as far as to check the flights that would enable me to attend your book launch...

    and, um, the shortest flight time was 22 hours, and that was just to get to Toronto,'s just say that I'll be there in spirit (yes, yes, I question my commitment too)

    I would be there if I could. Even though there's no Justin Bieber stories (double sigh) :)

  2. can't make it, I mean. I meant to say I couldn't get a flight that was cheap and got me there and back in time for bedtime

  3. would have been cool to go, honestly! that sounds like my kind of book launch :) congrats!


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