How To Pass A Psycho On The Sidewalk: A Primer

And how did I know she was a psycho? Maybe it was the way she scolded the grass -- that ugly bitch gave me an ugly bitch haircut that fucking ugly bitch don't even even look at me you fucking bastard -- or the glazed, bleary look she gave passing traffic as she veered on and off the sidewalk, but somewhere in my heart of hearts I just *knew* this little girl with the dragon tattoo (and about a hundred Chinese characters, and some elves) was going to be a spring-loaded fun box of demon-hatin' hysteria. And I just wasn't in the mood for any eye-gouging. Dig? So what to do, Poindexter?
1) Make some noise (not *too* loud) as you approach.
2) Do not approach directly from behind. Go wide left, presenting your (demonic) self in their peripheral vision *and* giving yourself some room on the street side to avoid any sudden blows and/or spitting.
3) Do not quicken your step until you are almost past the psycho.
4) While keeping an eye on said psycho, do not make eye contact.
5) Once past said psycho, accelerate smoothly away, like C does after passing gas.

* * * * *

On a separate but related note, a happy birthday to my older brother Jaime, a guy who loves parties and his job and parties at his job. And singing happy birthday to people. At work. Just loves that shit. Happy Birthday!

Comments

  1. When I lived in Sydney, there was a woman who hung out at the Artarmon rail station. I'm pretty sure she had Tourettes, in addition to a few other afflictions.

    If you dared walk past her, she'd yell things like "slut" and "dirty whore" at you.

    Initially a bit upsetting, once I realised that she didn't actually know anything about my moral integrity, it used to be fun walking past her to see what she would call me.

    Aaaah, happy days :-)

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  2. It's my sister's birthday, too. Does that make us related? Separated at birth? Something?

    Thanks for the postcard. Drawing swap sounds fun, I already have something in mind.

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  3. How does one pass a guy wearing a t-shirt that says: I F*CK DEAD PEOPLE? I didn't actually hear him saying it out loud though.

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  4. pretty smart advice for dealing with psychos. i used to work with one. not fun. not fun at all. she was a 100% lunatic psycho bitch.

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  5. ah, do you not know this is how all women end up in middle age???

    we are all psycho after dealing with men, marriage, family and sacrificial self....

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  6. from working in a psych clinic i can like...spot them a mile away.
    (i'm inconveniencing, i have a new address theotherseason.blogspot.com

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