and now for something appallingly stupid

If you ever have a child that comes up to you and says, Golly, I'd sure like to become a graphic designer someday!, then it is an absolute duty -- if there is any decent bone in your being, and any hope for your eventual salvation -- in your role as Parent or Responsible Adult or Only Available Agent of Reason and Anti-Mentalism, to throw yourself to the floor and weep and wail and pull your hair and gnash your teeth until that child promises, through quivering lip and a thundercloud of tears, to never, ever talk that kind of shit again. Ever.

What a grotesquely stupid way to make a living. You take a conceit -- imagination, artistic ability, aesthetic experience -- and put it in the service of the kind of clients who divide their wall space between Anne Geddes and Robert Bateman (that's *prints*, not actual paintings ... with Celine Dion and Loreenna McKennitt as a soundtrack). Because creative endeavours *never* get twisted into the ground by money.

Could you centre that? No, that's no good. Okay move that over there. Now put all those things in a line. Can we change the colour? We need continuity from last year's materials. I think it's important to do something fresh and vibrant but still not change anything. Hmm. No. Too much white space. Let's add a starburst!

Okay, I'll let you choose the typeface. You're the expert, after all. So there's still lots of opportunity to be creative there.

... ...

Okay, sorry, but can we change the typeface? My niece likes Comic Sans.

Christ, it makes me just want to run around drawing big horse cocks on everything.


  1. you do that - I'll look out for them ;)!!

    You're in by the way!


  2. You mean like this?

    It's a pretty classy thing to do. I don't know if you're up to it.


    lawl, lawl I say!

  4. Ah, you're the second person to send me this.

  5. Please please please go around drawing big cocks on everything - then photograph and post them

  6. Having a rough day? or life perhaps? Sex sells after all...and apparently Robert Bateman and Anne Geddes too. :-/ Life is a mystery I know!

  7. *shudder* This post brings back years of my "career" that I'm still trying to forget.

    Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be graphic designers.

  8. thank You :))

    P.S. I love your work:)

  9. Wow! I know exactly everything that you wrote with all the letters!
    I and my husband go through situations such jerks all the time!
    and the worst was when our only daughter in "reported" that would work with design in communication .... unfortunately we could not get it out of her head!
    I think it's genetic - of father and mother ..... it takes a lot a lot of patience :/

  10. angelina6:12 pm

    You are a riot!! I love it! Especially the part about sunburst... "the people" really love them sunbursts.

  11. You might appreciate this:

  12. You are hilarious! I know exactly what you mean, I usually end up quitting freelance jobs because they drive me crazy.


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