last word on last holiday

Cigar-tin story number 39.

A few final thoughts on my cottage vacation, in the form of a lexicon.

Summer at the Shore, Definition of Terms

Rain: Arriving in waves. Welcome to the inside of the cottage. The real struggle is just staying awake ... the rain sounds like pebbles poured over paper towel, and the wind in the chimney like some distant, erratic hand dryer.

Naps: Will always be interrupted by three-foot Chinese gangsters.

Sun: Distant, uncooperative, then suddenly looming and radioactive. Smearing on sunblock is both necessary and slightly distasteful.

Mosquitoes: Love the smell of sunblock. Will arrive in swarms, just behind your head.

Wind: Drives the clothes that C is constantly putting out on the line. Can laundry be an addiction? Provides some temporary relief from the mosquitoes but, like kamikazes, many still get through.

Ocean: Deceptively warm up to your knees, then cold enough to take your breath away. Full of crabs, star fish, jelly fish, tickle fish, flounder, mackerel ... and the bones/corpses of all of the above. At times it feels like you're stepping on piles of chicken bones. Still, the ocean is really just for tourists, as locals are very reluctant to "get dunked". The cool salt water is the only effective relief for mosquito bites.

Beer: Constantly running out.

Wine: A poor substitute, unless your tastes run to the stretchy-neck.

Food: C enjoys vegetables because she likes the smell of rotting food in the nether regions of the fridge. Otherwise it's freezies, oreos and kraft dinner.

Driving: Just take a plane for Christ's sake.


  1. Now that you have relived your vacation in prose form, I bet you realise what a great time you really had!
    Except maybe for the mozzies!


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