Not one but two rejections the last two days, one from the Sun (for a little story called I Am Here Now ) and one from the 'Lists' department at McSweeney's . Merry Christmas! Anyway, I offer up the second rejection (below) in the spirit of the season. OTHER 'IF I DID IT' BOOK PROJECTS THAT OJ MAY WANT TO CONSIDER by Darryl Berger If I Did It: Jing Ke's attempted assassination of Qin Shi Huang (first emperor of unified China, 221 BC – 210 BC) OJ notes – See, an NFL running back knows how to handle pressure. So I would never have fucked that up. If I Did It: The Assassination of Gaius Julius Caesar, 44 BC OJ notes – This is a gang thing. Not a Columbian drug-gang thing, but still: good team effort. If I Did It: The Assassination of Henry III of France, 1589 OJ notes – This Jacques Clément? He was some kind of demented religious dude, got up close to the king by pretending to have a secret message. Me, I'd just fake left and go right. Shoot and scoot, mother